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In 2013, I was raped by a coworker. After it happened, I went home and took a shower and told my best friend. She supported me and encouraged me to go to the cops. I was terrified and cried the entire way there. I didn’t think the cops would do anything and I feared that the incident would lead to the news (because of my place of employment). I hyperventilated and broke down in tears. She took me back to her house because I feared going home. The perpetrator knew where I lived and he was calling me constantly, harassing and begging me not to go to the cops.
A couple of days later, I went to the police station with my Pastor and his wife. They helped me through the situation but only for a couple of weeks. I insisted that I was okay and that I was over it. Within those weeks, the prosecutor decided not to take my case. The perpetrator got away and I was pissed. But I convinced myself that I was okay. WRONG. I was so wrong. One year went by, and the sleepless nights increased, I was sad beyond control, I didn’t let men touch me…not even for a hug, and I stayed busy – trying not to think about that horrible day. Little things would trigger my anxiety which would lead to multiple panic attack. I was in rough shape. So I decided to go to a therapist.
My therapist, Barbara, would have me stare at a light bar and follow the blue dot back and forth while I thought about that horrible day. I didn’t talk to my therapist about the details but the details were planted in my brain. As I followed that dot and the memories came up, it was like being in a movie theater watching myself in a horror film. Week by week, we worked together to process those memories. I cried. A lot. But I had to in order to heal. After a while, the horror movie stopped being so scary. I started to sleep more. The panic attacks went away. And for once, I was happy. The horror movie turned into a Disney movie, songs and dance numbers included.
If I didn’t go through EMDR I would not be the therapist I am today. I recommend EMDR for anybody that has experienced a horrible event because it works.